How to Prepare for Mediation

Mediation rewards a different kind of preparation than a hearing does. You are not building a case for a judge; you are getting ready to negotiate well on your own behalf. That is mostly a matter of clarity: about what you need, what you can offer, and what happens if no agreement is reached.

Separate interests from positions

A position is what you say you want ('the apartment,' 'a buyout at my number'). An interest is why ('stability for the kids near their school,' 'enough capital to start over'). Positions collide; interests often overlap in ways that create options. Before mediation, write down your positions, then, for each, ask yourself why until you reach the underlying interest.

Know your alternatives

Negotiation theory calls it a BATNA, the best alternative to a negotiated agreement. What actually happens if mediation produces nothing? Litigation, with its costs and uncertainty? Continued stalemate? Knowing your realistic alternative keeps you from accepting too little, and from rejecting a resolution that is genuinely better than your next-best path.

Gather what the conversation will need

• Documents everyone will need to reference (finances, agreements, correspondence), guided by the mediator's requests
• Key dates and facts, so memory disputes don't derail substance
• In financial matters: an honest, complete picture of your own situation
• Questions you want answered, even uncomfortable ones

Prepare to listen

The hardest preparation is emotional. You will hear the other side's version of events, told with feeling, and parts of it will strike you as wrong. Plan for it. You do not have to agree with an account to let it be spoken, and being genuinely heard is often what makes the other person able to hear you.

Consider also what you might offer, not just what you might get. Concessions you plan feel like strategy; concessions extracted feel like defeat.

Logistics

• Block more time than the session itself, arriving rushed undermines you
• For online sessions: private room, reliable connection, headphones
• Decide with the mediator whether advisors or attorneys will attend
• Rest. Seriously, negotiation quality tracks sleep more than people admit